Thursday, August 13, 2020

Knave of Hearts

If He made me, in his image, then He's a failure, too. - Laura Marling

This is not where I thought I'd be in my thirties, honestly. I'm not sure where I did think I'd be, though. There were vague dreams about owning a business, owning my own house, being able to live alone - but they were all so vague. There were never any concrete plans.

Having to start all the way at square one five years ago, and then again last year, then having the pandemic blast out just as I thought I was getting my feet under me once more... Well, I know I'm not the only one reeling from the impact, that's for sure, but it still sucks, doesn't it?

I do feel grateful for some of the skills I have in this lifetime because it's really helped me deal with my current situation. I'm a refashioner. I look at something ugly and try so hard to warp it into something I feel is manageable. Starting from scratch after something doesn't fit me (or starting a writing project over when it doesn't work the way I want it) is what I'm used to because I can't bring myself to waste the materials at my disposal. I live with depression and anxiety, but all that's done is give me built in coping mechanisms for the current state of the world.

It's certainly not perfect, but it's something.

I originally made this sweetheart dress out of heart print pajamas last year. I loved the fabric but they were several sizes too large and I needed fabric for the dress below. I wore it a few times, and of course everyone said how much they loved it, but there was always something 'off' about it and so I rarely wore the piece.

Fast forward to my finding this lovely black cotton-linen blend over the holiday season and I decided to make a new, more comfortable top for the dress.

The sweetheart neckline is fine, but I prefer being able to comfortably wear a bra. There are certain parts of me I don't mind having on display- for instance, I love having my thighs out, especially in jeans, but I really felt exposed in the original dress (above). The black top gives it a dark magical feel and is more office appropriate, too. I'm definitely pleased with this refashion.

I wish I'd fixed my necklace in the top photos, but you know, nothing is ever perfect. That's why we edit. Because it helps us change and grow and get better. Maybe one day I'll take different pictures where I've sorted my necklace, but for today I'm just going to focus on how happy I am with the new dress, how much better I like it than the first time I made it, and how much fun I had taking the new pictures against that pretty blue background.

Until next time! - XoXo, Meghan


  1. I think what you did was refined something already great. Like the amazing editor you are.

    Love the hair. Love the new top to the dress. Love the background. You look just so cool and you can see you're more comfortable in your skin in the newer pics.

    Seeing how you've changed over the years show me a survivor. You have skills and talent to keep making things great.

    I think those of us with anxiety and depression are weathering this better than those without because we have "prepped" emotionally for so long.

    It's made us stronger.

    1. Oh gosh, babe, I'm not crying, I'm not crying!! We've both grown so much since those old days! I'm excited to be sharing once again.